What are some important things that every husband should know about menopause and how it affects a woman? (Hint: it has to do with how a man is affected) Well, I think the most important thing is that it can cause vaginal dryness, which leads to pain on intercourse. Some women complain that having sex feels 'like a knife stabbing me'. Really. It HURTS, and that's no fun for either partner. And there are other issues, too. Besides the frustration, humiliation, and resentment, and rage that festers. This is discussed in more length in my newest book, out NOW and available on www.drmargaretaranda.tateauthor.com/other-works). Men, want to stop feeling like you work, take pre-teens driving as a carpool, pay for this and that, and your wife is sweating so much that she has to sleep on another bed? In another room?
Menopause = 1) male manopause, after prostatectomy +/- irradiation/chemotherapy/orchiectomy; 2) female menopause, after hysterectomy with uterus and ovaries removed (that's a whole different story); and 3) oophorectomy (ovaries removed due to ovarian cancer).
I
have noticed, for example, that a postmenopausal woman can be talking
to me at night, and indeed let's make that a ~ cool ~ night with a
breeze. Her upper lip and forehead are covered with sweat. In fact,
her upper eyebrows and neck glisten in the moonlight. I innocently ask
(during our conversation on menopause), "Do you get hot flashes?"
She says, "No, I never get hot flashes."
So
I ask, "Do you have pain with intercourse?" Well, no big response
there. I persist, "Do you enjoy sex?" She scoffs, "I could take it or
leave it." She practically explodes at me!" " I just have sex to make my husband happy, but if it was up to
me, I wouldn't even have sex. And I would not miss it." She smiles
ever so gently. "Ugh!"
So I back up again, "Well, why don't you enjoy it?"
She thinks.
She hesitates.
I wait, patiently.
"Well, I guess that it just doesn't feel good."
Results are in from Menopause, The Blog, which you can Click Here to Read. While millions of women in the USA may have vaginal atrophy
from a decrease of estrogen production after menopause, only about an
estimated 7% are getting treatment! This is simply astounding to me!
If you are a husband and your wife is complaining that having sex hurts
during menopause, then this affects you as a man.
Studies show that a woman is reluctant to discuss the situation with her doctor, and doctors are reluctant to discuss it with their patients. So what is a man to do?
Studies show that a woman is reluctant to discuss the situation with her doctor, and doctors are reluctant to discuss it with their patients. So what is a man to do?
Firstly,
we are reminded once again that with education comes empowerment. Now
that you know that your wife could be having this problem, it may be
good to talk to her about it. It could be that a woman does not realize
that she has vaginal dryness. The change could have happened so
gradually over the perimenopausal years, that she does not realize that
she actually has pain on intercourse, or dyspareunia. So let's
just step back a moment and realize that vaginal dryness, vaginal
atrophy, and pain on intercourse ~ all these things can happen. It's
ok. It can happen overnight from surgery, or it can happen over 15 years of natural menopause, naturally, as the ovaries are still secreting hormones. This is when the woman is most likely to be unaware that she is even IN menopause!
Men and Women just need to realize, like the perspiring woman who says she does not
get hot flashes, that a woman's body continues to change with time. Men
need to continue to be attuned to their woman's body. Why? Because
menopause can riddle a woman's life with insomnia, restlessness,
agitation, depression, hot flashes by day, sweats by night, pain on
intercourse, vaginal dryness, dry skin, and general irritability. To
name a few. And does that affect a man's sex life? Uhh.
Women can spend fully one-third of their lives in menopause.
That's a long time to suffer unnecessarily.
I know it affects you, because it has to affect you.
So we'd better get 'good' at being IN menopause, yes?
Let's do!
________________
Articles by Margaret Aranda, MD, Ph.D.
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